Should the Pursuit of Sexual Growth be Considered Cheating?

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Oh that moment when my heart drops as I open an email from a disgruntled spouse. It is never something I look forward to but it has happened several times in the past and I expect it to happen again in the future. The email read (some information was taken out to protect their privacy):

Hi,

 I just found dialog between yourself and my husband on his phone / email. Looks like he set up an appointment and even left a glowing review.

 I have to say I did notice that he improved in bed afterwards; I must thank you for that. It made me suspicious that he was able to figure a few things out in recent months. Must be a great talent of yours. Kudos to you sincerely. I hope he returns for more guidance.

 You look like a very pretty, nice and talented person. I respect the services and guidance you provide, I just wish that he would have been up front about it.

 I'm glad I found the emails, I think we are finished, this was the last lie I can deal with. I don't expect you to feel bad- I never wanted to be married, or monogamous, or with a man again for these exact reasons. Maybe you have released me from my bonds as well.

Thanks.

My first thoughts when these things happen is empathy for the mate, as deception can hurt deeply. However, I explained to her that a lot of men come to me with the upfront intention that they want to gain more skills, become more open sexually and simply become better more connected lovers; her husband being one of them.

So is it wrong to hide something from your partner and is it right for the partner to get upset when clearly the result of the lie has bettered their relationship?

Unfortunately we live in a society where jealousy, distrust and judgment are often prevalent in relationships. We also live in a society where sexual exploration and growth are not considered acceptable. If someone’s husband went to see a therapist to work on his issues that would be fine but if he went to see a sex-worker that would be completely unacceptable. The funny thing about that is that sex work changes people in greater ways than any amount of talk therapy!

It is up to you guys! In a perfect world, I would love to see partners being able to freely talk about their intimacy issues with love and support. However, it seems that most couples struggle with this and some partners are just not ready to hear such things.

So my advice is to either be completely honest and open with your partner or be strong in your conviction to better yourself secretly. This means that you will need to leave all guilt and shame at the door. Know that everything that you do to make yourself happy will ultimately make all those around you happy. Some people have a hard time seeing that, but YOU should always come first! With this statement I am not encourage sneaking around, simply a piece of advice to avoid hurting your partner: fucking erase your emails! Seriously guys, this is not hard to do and with today’s technology it is easy for people to snoop!

If your partner can handle it, talk to them with open honesty. If they cannot, remind yourself that sometimes ignorant is bliss and giving yourself what you need and deserve isn’t wrong as long as you aren’t maliciously trying to hurt anyone. Let me give my best to you then take that home and give the best to your partner! This is my mission, not to break-up marriages or encourage cheating, but to creates sexual kings ready to conquer and captivate the queen of their castle! 

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Ravyn RyderComment